I have always been told I give off the smell of sweet butter. I put no thought into it the first time I heard it, but more and more I was being told this. Subsequently, I had always noticed my husband had a familiar smell but I couldn’t put my hands on it. Then one day it hit me, he smells like sweet peas. Specifically, his breath smelled like it. Still, at this point, I didn’t think too much about it. After I had my second daughter, I was playing with her one day and noticed she, also, smelled like sweet peas! I didn’t know what it meant, us having these distinct smells, so I decided to do some research into it and found out about pheromones.

The definition of pheromone is an agent secreted by an individual that produces a change in the sexual or social behavior of another individual of the same species; a volatile hormone that acts as a behavior-altering agent. Which basically means you smell . The reactions from pheromones can modulate sexual activity or affect aggression. In animals it is released through skin, urine, feces, and their breath, just like my husband’s. Scientist found that in humans it is mostly secreted through our skin and usually associated with sweat glands and areas having hair.

I also found that women’s underarm odors can synchronize the timing of other women’s reproductive cycles. This explains why women who live together often develop synchronous menstrual periods. I have noticed this a countless number of times when working or living with other women. But I always just thought it was coincidence, pretty cool.

Pheromones are believed to help attract the opposite sex. If this is true, maybe you don’t need to use all those perfumes and deodorants to attract that special someone. Ever met someone and immediately you clicked or seen a couple and wondered how they ended up together….well maybe, just maybe, it’s pheromones at work.

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If someone is cheating you almost always know because he is taking something away from your relationship and giving it to someone else. You can feel something is missing or wrong. Long gone are the days of simple lipstick on the collar detection, cheaters have gotten high tech.

• His behavior changes from his norm. He starts to lavish you with “just because” gifts ( a psychological sign of guilt)
• Anything password protected is a clue he may be up to no good
• Deleting text messages, emails, and phone records no matter what the excuse. When you go to pick up his phone he grabs it first and by the time you get it everything is empty (same goes for his laptop)
• You can’t keep track of his work schedule or he no longer has a routine. He is always working late or having to go in at odd times and now he has to take overnight trips. Check his pay stub. If he is working late, why isn’t he getting paid for it.
• Their tastes in everything suddenly changes, they are liking things they never used to like. Perhaps, the person they are spending their time with is growing on them. He suddenly likes a different style of music, one he never liked before is a good clue.
• Money coming into the household is suddenly short. You notice ATM and credit card usage increased and can’t be explained. When you ask about this he gets upset or gives some ridiculous excuse. It cost money to court a new person, he has to wine and dine her.
• Odd times for telephone calls, alot of unknown numbers and him rushing to answer every call is a definite clue. Suddenly their friends are people you don’t know and you never get to meet. When you ask who they are talking to they say wrong number or it was for work. If so, be wary he may not be talking to who he says and those unknown numbers are very suspicious.
• He becomes sneaky and withdrawn. Excessive internet usage is a red flag, especially when you walk in the room and they hide what their doing.
• You can never find his phone when it is not in his hands. And he begins hiding his cell phone bill, it never makes it in the mailbox, or rather in the house(mysterious, isn’t it).
• He gets home from work and he smells like some unknown cologne or perfume and he immediately has to take a shower before you can get too close to him. Many cheaters will say they are going to the gym or just to “work out” after work, when instead they go to meet someone. This gives them the perfect opportunity to jump into the shower when they get home without you being suspicious, they think. But many gyms track every time a customer goes in, so you can call and easily get a list of days that week that they actually went to the gym.
• He picks a fight about anything with you, just to have a reason to leave the house. He is so mad he MUST now storm out of the house. Next time, don’t fight with him and see his reason for leaving.
• All of sudden your love-making or kissing isn’t good enough. He either isn’t happy with you or he requests for you to change.  He makes comments about how you are not sexual or kinky enough for him.
• He cares more about his appearance like never before. Dressing better, wearing cologne just to hang out with friends, tanning, and he is very well groomed. A cheater will start to better their physical appearance by abruptly working out and losing weight. They want to look good for their lover or they are trying to impress the opposite sex.
• He volunteers to do any tedious errand (anything that gets him out the house) and it always seems to take hours.
• The wedding ring is no longer a permanent fixture on his hand. He only wears it around the house and he gives lame excuses why he can’t wear it out. Sure, now you are allergic to it and it breaks you out
• He starts buying new or sexy underwear. He went from raggedy underwear to wearing sexy underwear, you should already know what’s up at this point. I shouldn’t even have to continue if you have gotten to this point. You and I both know what’s going on.

This list can go on and on with specifics but you can get a general idea of things to look for. If you took the time to read this whole list and are relating to it, Uh Oh………

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I never thought that marriage and love would be so demanding. You always think they go hand-in-hand but it seems that it doesn’t. After being with someone for almost 12 years, I realize it takes work to stay together. Of course, I ,as well as all of you, wish that it was like in fairy tales. You meet your prince, fall in love, and get married. No one ever thinks about what comes next. What do you do after all the new found love fades and real life starts? Kids, money, work, bills, cooking, cleaning, and not too mention Loving each other. It makes me tired just saying it all. How do you find the time to take care of YOUR life and be in another’s? How do you find time the time to be happily married?

I am here to tell you it ain’t easy. After 12 yrs, 4 kids, and the stresses of life, easy is far from it. We have just recently REALLY started making the marriage more about us. For, it seems, years we were just going through the motions of marriage. The standard “I love you’s” and casual talk, hurrying to get to the kids. I guess I wasn’t really aware of what was going on. I was so busy paying bills and taking care of the kids and the household, I totally forgot about working on my marriage. Ok, so now that I am aware, what do I do?

The first thing is to get some time away from the kids. Then start going out together and acting like we did when we first met or just sit in and watch a movie alone. Once you start really paying attention and being happy the marriage just falls right in place. You know you are on the right track when you start to do the little things for them, without even noticing.

• When your man is tired, you get the kids to back off from him for a while.
• When he even looks at the kitchen, you are already walking in to get him something to eat.
• If he loves to eat you are suddenly studying to be a chef, trying new recipes just to make him happy.
• Don’t let him get sick, you turn in to an RN, taking temperatures, dispensing medications, helping him to turn the channel (with the remote!).

The list goes on and on……

I am basically saying, “Marriage isn’t easy, it takes two to make it work”.

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